During the course of my marriage journey (now 24 years and counting), we were in the Valley of Resignation and Frustration headed to divorce, and now we’re on the mountain top, where we both are deeply satisfied and fulfilled.
Along the way, between the valley and the mountain top, there were profound learnings and powerful insights I received about where to start when your relationship or marriage is on shaky ground. It starts with Project YOU.
Ready for a Breakthrough
At year ten in my marriage, I needed a change, a breakthrough, but I didn’t know where to start. I felt like my husband and I were living like roommates. Personally I was feeling under-appreciated, taken for granted, and like I was shouldering much more of the “load.” Mutual trust had been eroded and we turned our backs to each once we went to bed. I desperately wanted him to get his “ish” together, step up, take more initiative, be more affectionate, and pursue me like he did when we were dating.
For four years, we tried to “save” our marriage, which included couples counseling, therapy, and me fervently praying for God to change him, to fix him. It seemed so overwhelming. I felt defeated and deflated. My self-esteem started to dip. I was emotionally tired and worn out. When I sat down in my prayer closet, at the end of these four years to ask God, one last time, to fix my husband, to my surprise, God informed me that my #1 project was to be me, not my husband. Project ME was about to begin.
Valuing Sacred Self-Care
A renewed commitment to my sacred self-care was the first order of business to begin transforming myself, and subsequently, my marriage. My first assignment in Project ME was to re-direct my attention, energy and focus to re-building up and re-fortifying ME first.
Now is the time to begin Project YOU.
Step one in Project YOU is to fall back in love with you.
So how do you actually “raise” your self-love bar to become even more self-loving? The answer is sacred self-care.
PROJECT YOU, STEP #1: UNDERSTANDING THE POWER OF SACRED SELF-CARE
Sacred self-care puts you back in touch with the love already within you at your core, already at the center of your being. Sacred self-care is a commitment to nourishing and fortifying your own mind, body and spirit first, BEFORE attempting to take care of others and give to or do for others – this includes your children, if you have any. When you operate and live from a place of sacred self-care, you learn how to truly experience and express love within yourself and for yourself, first.
Increase the Presence of Stillness, Silence, and Solitude In Your Life
As much as you desperately might want to see a change or a turnaround in him, turning your marriage or relationship around is first about getting YOU right. You first must get back in touch with your own center, get your mind clear, fill and feed your spirit, and reconnect to your joy. You get to begin with a sacred self-care morning ritual of stillness, silence and solitude that is YOUR time. It is most powerful “at the top of your day,” and before you start getting yourself or others ready for the day.
Starting Your Day in a New Way
Start your day by sitting down, stilling yourself, and connecting to your own spirit and the Divine Spirit through prayer (speaking to God), meditation (Listening to God). Eliminate all distractions such as TV, cell phone, computer screen, or loud music. Incorporate reading “high vibration” words that lift your spirit and elevate your thinking. You also might include gentle movement or stretching, or gentle music. Learn to enjoy your own company and being in the presence of your own energy. Begin with 15 minutes and set your alarm or timer if you have to.
Experience the Difference
In as few as five consecutive days, you can begin to feel the difference. You should feel more peaceful, relaxed, clear, focused and centered. As you begin to detox yourself and embark upon a journey a sacred self-care, it shows. He will sense the shift, feel the shift, and even see the effects of the shift in your countenance, attitude, emotions, energy, body language, and responses, whether he says so or not. When you shift, he shifts. This is part of the design of relationships. Project YOU is now underway!